Lie: “I’m frustrated.”
Truth: I have no idea what I’m doing.
Why did I tell this lie? Because apparently my parents follow my other blog, my face blog, and I wrote some existential crap. But of course, it doesn’t come off like that. I guess when you have ahistory of depression, anything that you write along those lines will sound like a regression. Maybe it is a regression, and I’m simply unwilling to admit it.
But it made me laugh that as he was talking to me, he Said that I always say things, but he’s beginning to wonder if I’m talking it.
I Started smiling and had to hide it until I could find an excuse to laugh. I don’t think I’ve truly been completely myself with anyone since elementary school. Even then, I was lying. To be accepted, somehow. That’s why I’m going to college. Because it’s what people do. Smart people, succesful people, goto college. But that’s not specific to me. That’s society as a whole. I can’t, and I’m not trying to claim discrimination.
It’ll be interesting to see if anyone ever sees my true nature. I’m not even sure if I know it myself.