Lie: “I just forgot to eat is all.”
Truth: I suck at having an eating disorder.
I skip meals for days at a time. I just drink water to fill up the emptiness in my stomach. Then I go eat a shit ton of ice cream and pizza. I hate my body most of the time, but more recently, I’ve gotten better at having an eating disorder. I can tell because the dress I bought looks good on me. I can tell because right now I’m freezing my ass off. I can tell because I got drunk after the equivalent of two shots. Normally it takes me three.
And yet, I’ll probably starve myself more over break. Not all of it will be my unwillingness to eat. Some of it will be that I can’t find anything that looks appetizing. I don’t know how much of which is which, if that makes sense.
So another truth that fits here: I follow thinspo blogs. They inspire me and horrify me at the same time. I don’t want people to be able to see my ribs. I just want to be able to wear a bikini happily. Without also wearing swim trunks to hide a good portion of my body.
I’m pretty sure most of this is just whining. I’m not near as bad as some others out there. I realize that this is a problem, but I don’t care enough to try to change. So I’ll keep going until I can’t anymore, or until I look like I want.